You really coming over, don't trick.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
