My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
