talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
