I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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