just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
