i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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