Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
