The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
