I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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