Can Purell be used as lube?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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