Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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