you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
