Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can text with my tongue
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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