So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
