I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
