I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
