3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
