Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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