what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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