If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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