My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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