I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
