Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
