I wish I could punch you in the face.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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