like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
