i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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