I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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