Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
