For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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