I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
