so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
