Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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