On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
