hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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