i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They took my balls.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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