The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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