and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
