i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
