We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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