He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
