someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
