oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone owes me an orgasm
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
