i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
