trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
