she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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