i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
