I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
