I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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