So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize