so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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