I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
