I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
