this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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