I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
