So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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