He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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