I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
