It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
