when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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