i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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