Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
