and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
