I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
