glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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