A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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