Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
