I bet he comes in French.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
