New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
