Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
