I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
