You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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