I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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