I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
