holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
