I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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