I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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