And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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