I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
