he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
