If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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