I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
